all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize