Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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