So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
