STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
