best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need moral support for this bender
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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