Girls should come with a carfax report
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
