I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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