Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
