yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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