If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
