Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
