do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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