What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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