i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
