Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize