I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize