my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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