So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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