I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
