we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
