I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we made out on top of his cat.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't deserve a penis
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
