I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
