Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize