On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
