Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize