she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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