No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
