You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
