This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
