yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
