apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
