Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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