its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
