i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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