the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
