I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
