I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
