I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
