Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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