They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
