My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
