the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
