do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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