Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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