what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
