I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
