I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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