idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
