Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
