On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I will pee on everything he values.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
