I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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