hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
