I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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