haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize