i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
