I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
