What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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