Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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