Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
