She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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