porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
