Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
