I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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