Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
