someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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