did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
