Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
