Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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