I think i peed on brittanys purse
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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